Thursday, February 9, 2012

Tamils in Catholic School


The three of them were huddled together by the vacant portable behind the catholic elementary school, partly because they were comfortable with one another from being close friends for so long but mostly to block any winds that might put out the flame on the joint they were passing around. Alwin, Puvi, and Rozaye (nicknamed so because of his physical resemblance in terms of girth to the popular rapper Rick Ross) were all Tamil; this is notable only because it’s the primary reason the three barely still teenagers started hanging out in the first place. When Rozaye first transferred over to the high school that the other two boys attended he was spotted and recruited by the others, who told him that ‘Tamils should look out for each other’, the looking out process often included getting heavily intoxicated whenever and wherever possible. At this particular instance the wherever just happened to be at the catholic school St.Maries of something or other. Though the name was unfamiliar, the three of them were well acquainted with this nook of the school as it happened to be their regular spot for getting fucked up on a Friday night.


‘FUCK BITCHES!’ Puvi screamed, in response to his being unable to do so. ‘Im all about by boys and my drank yo’

Puvi looked over at Rozaye who was paying little attention to him, as he furiously pounded away at the mini keyboard on his blackberry, the shine of the screen illuminating his face giving it an almost ghoulish glow.

‘Yo guy are you even listening?’ questioned Puvi.

Rozaye still face deep into his phone, barely audible mumbled ‘Ya man fuck bitches. For sure, I got you.’

‘Yo man you’ve been texting all night, who are you talking to?’ Puvi inquired.

Rozaye's tone got clearer and more defensive ‘No one bro don’t worry about it. Ey yo Alwin you still holding down that Forty dog?’

Alwin was mid gulp when Rozaye asked him to pass over the large bottle of malt liquor he’d been finishing off for the past five minutes. ‘Ya for sure’ he said after swallowing, passing the drink over.

Rozaye put the phone away into his most accessible pocket before grabbing the drink from Alwin. Alwin now free to speak since his oesophagus was no longer flooded with cheap booze decided to chime in on Puvi’s opinion about ‘bitches’:

‘Ya bro fuck these bitches. The other day me and my boys from Brampton went to the club. And there were like maaad bitches out there. Like ridiculous. And I was going around and when they weren’t looking I would squeeze their butt cheeks and dash yo…’

Alwin’s anecdote was temporarily paused by laughter from the other two and accusations of being a rapist, Alwin continued:

‘And this one bitch right, she caught me before I could run away, because there were mad people around me and whatever, and she looked at me and gave me serious cut eye yo. Like her face was all scrunched up and shit. And she knocked me in the face.’

Rozaye laughed so hard he momentarily choked, Puvi would’ve laughed as well, but was preoccupied with not spitting out the gulp of malt liquor he had just taken. Alwin kept going with his story:

‘She had like this big ring on too, so it really hurt. And I was suuuper vexed so I brought my arm all the way back, and I smacked her right in the face yo.’

Rozaye and Puvi were momentarily devoid of any movement, be it any sort of blinking or facial tick. Alwin could tell he’d captivated his crowd and went on:

‘I smacked her so hard yo, I swear like a big blob of spit or snot came out of her mouth. I thought I rocked her, but she fully stood there after and went BUCK yo.’

‘You couldn’t even knock a bitch out.’ Puvi interrupted before being interrupted by Alwin.

‘I was maad drunk! If I practiced I could’ve knocked her out. But anyways after I smacked her and she started yelling at me, this big black guy from across the club started coming at us, he was fully moving people out of the way and he looked pissed yo. He was like ‘yo what the fuck is going on?’ and I guess he saw me in front of his girl while she was yelling at me and he started charging at me!’

‘What did you do?!’ Rozaye asked as if the incident Alwin was describing was taking place right then and there.

‘Bro’ Alwin started ‘I RAN!’

‘How’d you get through all those people?’ Puvi asked. ‘I thought you said it was mad crowded.’

‘Yo I did whatever I had to do.’ Alwin confessed. ‘I pushed people out of the way I ducked underneath mans legs. I got out of there. I was SHOOK. This big black guy was like two of me. he was so big and wide he makes Rozaye look like a Chinese girl.’

‘Yo fuck you!’ Rozaye shouted. ‘…then what happened?’

‘The whole night he was looking for me. Every time I had thought I had escaped Id see him from far away, and he was so big doggie, I could see him over the heads of everyone. And every once in a while he’d see me looking at him and he’d get real vexed, like you could almost see his big bald head start shaking and he’d charge at me like an elephant or someshit dog, and Id RUN OFF!’

‘Did he catch you?’ Puvi asked.

‘No see I came up with this plan.’ said Alwin. ‘I just kinda moved around the club and found the black guy, and I crept up to around where he wasn’t facing me, and I just stayed at his back all night and jammed in his blind spot’

This revelation broke Puvi and Rozaye into hysterical fits of laughter. Rozaye asked ‘Yo, weren’t you worried that he’d turn around and see you dancing behind him? That’s hella insulting, after you grabbed his girls ass and smacked her in the face.’

‘No see, I actually thought of that, so the whole night I faced his back so if he turned around I could see him turning and I could dash.’ Alwin responded.

Rozaye had to make sure he’d heard Alwin correctly ‘Wait a second, so you mean you were facing this big black dude’s back, and you just jammed there all night?’

‘Ya, so?’ Alwin said.

Rozaye once more broke into an almost violent fit of maniacal laughter ‘So you spent the whole night grinding up on some big black guy at the club?!’ Rozaye paused as Alwin tried to come up with some sort of response, but continued after Alwin was unable to do so. ‘That’s some real chitch shit right there. You’re like a legit chi chi mon bro.’

Puvi interjected ‘I bet you liked it so much that you got a boner, and the black guy in front of you was like ‘oh what’s this?’ and realized it was your boner and got all excited and just grinded up against it yo.’.

Alwin tried to come up with some sort of explanation that would justify his actions as well as enforce his masculinity, but instead settled on calling the both of them ‘Faggots’. Which was quickly countered by Rozaye who informed him that it’d ‘take one to know one.’

‘Ya but anyways man bitches are too much trouble yo.’ Alwin said clearly trying to steer the subject away from his homoerotic activities.

‘Ya man.’ Agreed Puvi ‘Money over bitches all day’

‘You find a job yet?’ inquired Alwin.

‘Nah. Im looking still, but no one’s hiring.’

‘Where’d you look?’

‘I go on craigslist, but I cant find anything.’ Puvi turns his attention towards Rozaye who’s once again gone back to thumping keys on his blackberry ‘Rozaye get me in at Smart Shop! They probably need people!’

Rozaye mumbles something about seasonal work whilst typing. Puvi, annoyed at the lack of attention Roazaye had been paying to his unemployment woes grabs the phone out of Rozaye’s hand ‘Who have you been texting all night?’ Puvi verbalizes his wonder while gawking at the blackberry display.

‘Don’t worry about it!’ Rozaye yells while trying in vain to rescue his phone from the clutches of Puvi.

Puvi starts reading the backlog of messages between Rozaye and what turns out to be some girl apparently named Theva. ‘Look at this’ Puvi starts reading Rozaye’s messages from this Theva character out loud ‘‘Im at the mall right now, and Im tired…’Rozaye why didn’t you tell us you had a girlfriend?’

Alwin chimes in ‘Oooooooooooooo snap’

‘Rozaye, how long has this been happening? When’s the wedding?’ Puvin asks smirking.

‘Fuck you guys she’s just some girl I’ve been talking to!’ Rozaye’s embarrassment is quickly picked up on by the rest of the group as they begin moaning loudly to simulate either aggressive sex, or a fat person jogging.

Between the two, Puvi is the more expressive of the two, screaming in a sort of mock climax he loudly moans ‘OOOOOH ROZAYE STICK YOUR COCK IN MY BOOBIES!’

‘-What are you guys screaming about?!’ shouts a decidedly unfamiliar and unfriendly voice, that turns out to be a cop, First identified by the radiant beam of bright light from a flashlight bathing the wasted trio, then confirmed by his authoritative tone and uniform. The boys stand perfectly still as if they were under the belief that if they stifled all movement they would somehow turn invisible. Alas they did not, and the boys were all searched. Puvi was the most vocal of the group while being searched, claiming that they were only being accosted because they were Tamil, Rozaye immediately apologized to the officer for Puvi’s remarks saying he has down syndrome and occasionally said and did things in situations where most would know better. Puvi resented this, but kept quiet while his hands were placed firmly on the hood of the policeman’s squad car, and his pockets were being thoroughly invaded by the cop’s hands, the contact, Alwin suggested, probably gave Puvi a boner.

The three were all individually searched. And a fine was handed out for drinking at the school, there was no charge for the weed however, as the boys had luckily smoked all the evidence. After demoralizing the trio, the officer told the boys to get off the property and warned them to never come back, Puvi muttered something derogatory under his breath, while Rozaye and Alwin held their breaths and were later relieved when the cop didn’t hear anything. The three boys began walking towards home turf, a long enough walk sober, and an endless pilgrimage after getting fucked up.

Rozaye broke the initial shame fuelled silence. ‘Puvi guy why were you talking so much shit to the cop?

Puvi was not pleased with Rozaye’s interpretation of the situation ‘Yo, he only fucked with us because we’re Tamils, if we were a bunch of white dudes nothing would have happened.’

Puvi’s justification for what Rozaye perceived as ignorant behaviour infuriated him ‘No guy that’s bullshit, you were being a loud fucking idiot and people probably called the cops wondering why they let an ape escape from the zoo.’

The conversation got more and more heated before Alwin felt it was his obligation to step in and make peace ‘YO YO everybody chill out, we’re all boys here!’

‘Fuck you Alwin, you liked it when the cop got behind you and went through your pockets’ screamed Puvi

‘Yeah you’re a battyboy who grinds on big black guys at the club’ adds Rozaye.

The two boys then laugh at Alwin’s expense and somehow all is forgiven and forgotten as the three boys continue on a seemingly never ending walk towards their respective neighbourhoods and homes.

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