GRAFFITI BENCH ARGUINGS
A girl wakes up. In the middle of an empty field on a park bench. This is unusual she feels. This thought flusters her, so she doesn't notice the colorful -although mildly fading graffiti on the very same park bench she was in the process of waking up off of. 'weird...' verbal expression, at no one in particular. But still, verbally expressed, if to no one else, than to her self. Near exasperation before noticing the message on the park bench/bed/street sign. 'Welcome to Averyvalle' she mouths in conjunction with the voice in her head that read it. She hears a bustling in a nearby wooded area that wasn't there until she heard a bustling. She's less startled than happy she doesn’t have to stand around and pretend like she knows what to do next, but still a little startled.
'mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm look at you!' says a sound that sounds like hd surround sound.
The booming slurpy voice spills out words like the cake in a vaudevillian’s box mid pratfall.
'gosh golly shucks gee I aint seen nobody like you forever it feels!' Before the slippery thick voice could make it to where he said 'feels', the girl interjected because curiosity trumped repartee one would assume.(?)
'I need to know where you are! Where is your voice coming from!? I cant be yelling at nothing its unsettling!' she screams, as loudly as someone who lacks confidence would.
'Up here!' the voice alerted the girl to its physical container , who was laying on a tree branch several levels above what the average drunk guys would climb to when trying to impress her. She'd be impressed, later though, right now she was more dumbstruck that she was talking to what appeared to be a giant squirrel.
'Um you're a squirrel right?' girl asks, no tinges of any liberal regret over phraseology sensitivity.
'are you a bitch? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA' he says not actually laughing just saying 'ha' over and over again in a dry tone.
'I might be a bitch, but that doesn't make you any less squirrel... bitch' she says, proud that she did.
The squirrel hangs of the tree branch, like an athlete doing pull-ups, but with less ups. 'Do you even know where you are?'
'DUH- Averyvalle' she says growing prouder. Pausing momentarily to consider the wider breath of her knowledge and lack thereof.
The squirrel lands so swiftly beside Girl she thinks its teleportation, at this point it would almost be a normal thing. 'Very good.' Squirrel says after sticking his landing. 'You'll be here for a while then ya wont, but you know that already right? I know you do. Sure, people just wake up here one day and could be two minutes, could be three days-depending on the dosage. But you're gonna leave eventually anyway, everybody that comes does.' The girl inquires about the exact definition of 'leave' and he laughs, nothing like HAHAHAHAH more hehehehehehe, the difference is palpable if you're the girl asking the question.
Squirrel pauses before answering, he turns away, as if he's embarrassed she'd asked her question. 'You wake up'
Girl's glee's in her reply 'yay!'
Squirrel appears offended. 'That offended me' Squirrel says, confirming prior suspicion. 'You've barely been here yet and you want to leave?”
Girl was bothered about the good points the Squirrel made. He'd been so antagonistic before. So she replies defensively 'Well what is there to do around here anyway? There's this bench, some grass, and your bush!'
'What about your bush?' Squirrel is grinning and hopeful. He contemplates winking.
'Ew' was the self esteem crushing reply, it alters the ensuing conversational direction.
'Whattya mean, ew?' He says. (extra emphasis on the comma portion)
'Just... no.' she put her arms up and waves, adding visual motion stimulation for emphasis. 'first of all I don’t know you like that, and you're a fucking squirrel dude!” she points at him in an accusatory fashion. While she can, soon her finger is pointing at the void, because there's no longer a squirrel to point at, just the crackle sound of tree branches getting fainter as the seconds pass.
Girl stands there dumbfounded, she gathers her senses 'Well I wasn't gonna fuck him, that's for darn sure.' she surveys the landscape, certain bends in the distance look worth exploring. It was also the first one she noticed, she didn't care to compare it with another. She steps forward. She thinks of the squirrel, momentarily,thoughts appear then fade as quickly as that same squirrel was dashing away in the tall trees. Impressive, she decides mid stride, edging closer to wherever there is to go next.
She's been walking long enough that her mind starts to trail off. Is this a dream? She thinks. 'Something kind of like that...' a voice responds, which strikes the Girl odd as she didn't verbalize her thought.
'I know what you're thinking, but Im not reading your mind, does that make sense?' The voice tone sounds like herbal tea on a brisk fall morning feels. Nonthreatening. 'I suppose it doesn't, and I hope you dont hold that against me.'
Its a cat. The one not making eye contact, yet not on purpose, more like the thought never occurred that people may interpret this a certain way, mostly because they never do. The cat turns slowly as if he's growing increasingly bored with his previous pose. He rests the side of his head into his paw, smushing his cheek into his snout slightly, whiskers spread out like dandelions. A knowing smile, that doesn't predict ease but accepts it. 'Oh how rude of me, My name is Bliss, some of my wiseguy buddies over the millenniums called me Bliss Kitty and I've learned to accept it. I'd ask you to introduce yourself, but to be honest- I kinda already know.'
'How?' She responds, past the point of being startled by the revelation of a talking cat in a post perverted squirrel universe.
'Just can' kitty replies smiling. Before the smile recedes slightly before returning in smirk form. 'Hold on I'll be right back...' The Girl's vision flickers momentarily, so briefly in fact she wonders if it wasn't an eyelash or even
Dust. Thick layers of dust. A finger trails a phallic outline. A noticeable mound of dust collects itself on the shaft, like leaves raked together at the end of a long driveway.
'YO RUB THAT OUT!' A husky voice labors to say. Flabbas didn't want a lecture from his mother about the boys he hung around with, especially when they already weren’t the right religion. 'Spankit are you a fag or something?'
Spankit thought it over before claiming that he wasn't. He was apologetic. 'I was just being funny'.
'Don't draw dicks in my attic, everyone thinks you're gay because you dress weird' Flabbas points to Spankit's flowing white buttonless long collar, near mesh thin fabric shirt. Spankit waves off the accusations that he's a homosexual, literally, he waves his arm while his bead wrist bracelet dangles in support. 'I have a girlfriend dude'.
'That's how I know you're not a fag' Flabbas says, emphasizing the word fag to prove that he isn't one, While obsessive compulsively rubbing the nozzle tip of his hookah device. He takes a long pull from it, exhaling a steady stream of a not altogether unpleasant smelling fog that trails out a cracked window blending in with the natural light of the outdoors.
Spankit eyeballs the room looking for something to distract him, Flabbas is attempting revenge against those he feels have wronged him in the past. Spankit's eyes settle on a metal container sitting on a ceiling pipe. It almost flickered into his field of vision. Pointing he asks Flabbas 'Hey what's that?'
'what's what?' Flabbas asks back.
'That, that thing up there, that box on that pipe' Spankit squints while focusing in on the small metal container that he's decided is silver colored. Flabbas admits ignorance, and Spankit attempts to retrieve the box after asking permission from Flabbas, who grants permission on the basis that any money found is his. Spankit snatches the box away from the pipe as if he was scolding it for being greedy with the mystery box. Spankit holds the container up at nostril level, its small, like an engagement ring container, but the box is metal not soft with rounded edges. Spankit opens the container, slowly. There's nothing in it. He turns to Flabbas who appears disappointed, he turns to the pipe,his aim was to return the small metal box to its original resting place, which proved to be more of a challenge than originally expected, as the pipe space was currently occupied by what appeared to be an exceedingly relaxed cat, with a smirk on his face. 'Sup' it says.
Spankit's pupils dilate, he looks over at Flabbas whose taking a long drag from his hookah pipe, he notices Spankit looking at him. He exhales 'what?'.
Spankit looks away from Flabbas, his eyes jump back towards the pipe's direction, but the cat is nowhere to be found. A bizarre mirage perhaps? The excessive marijuana use was altering his mind just like his parents told him! He was seeing a vision. 'Over here' The cat said.
Spankit saw the cat again, this time sitting hunched over on a carboard box, on the side it has a sharpie marker written label 'junk'. 'My name is Bliss, some people call me Bliss Kitty but don’t feel like that's necessary. You're Spankit Ajimali.'
Spankit looks over at Flabbas for confirmation that he's actually seeing what he's seeing, which Flabbas does not grant. He is instead aloof, and distant.
'He can't hear us' Bliss continues. 'Its only us at the moment.' he takes a pregnant pause, licking his paw as if to remind Spankit he was about to converse with a feline. 'Long story short, it's been a million cycles since the last Bliss benefactor, and it seems predestined that you're the next one! Now what does this mean you ask?' Which had been a thought that raced through Spankits mind. 'It means you get one thousand wishes. Anything you could possibly desire! Well, I mean, there are restrictions, like: you can't wish for more wishes, that's how the one thousand number got established in the first place. And ... oh right, you cant unwish a previous wish. Like if you wish you had eight legs, you couldn't unwish the third leg, am I making sense?'
Spankit knows he's being addressed but cannot speak, so Bliss felt obliged to continue. 'Right, and you have me to act as counsel for your wishes, we found its best that way. All it takes is one bad wish and you have the concept of jealousy being invented. So while I cant force you to not make silly wishes, I can strongly advise against it. Of course you could wish that I not be in an advisory position, but I would strongly advise against that, because im very good company.' The cat smiled as if to underscore his point.
Spankit hadn't spoken for several minutes before he said 'Why me?'
'What was that?' Flabbas inquired. Spankit was looking away from him at seemingly nothing, thought Flabbas. Spankit reiterated his question.
Bliss Kitty sighed, slightly bored yet still slightly amused. 'cause.' Then he paused.
After processing everything Spankit responded. 'Can I make my first wish now?'
Bliss kitty nodded, slowly, resting his chin on his chest.
'You said a thousand wishes right?' asked Spankit.
'...A thousand wishes?' A bewildered Flabbas chimed in, completely ignored.
Bliss Kitty pulled his chin deeper into his chest in what was received as an affirmative gesture.
'Okay then... I want Flabbas to see you like Im seeing you!” Spankit was waiting to see if Bliss Kitty could make good on his wish, but before he could get a response he was interrupted by Flabbas who sounded shocked and surprised shouting 'Is that a cat?'
Spankit and Flabbas looked at each other then looked at the cat on the cardboard box labeled junk. The cat licked his paw and looked over at Flabbas. 'If this stuff is junk why keep it?' Bliss Kitty asked Flabbas, who wasn't able to comprehend the question, as he already had so many of his own mulling about in his head. Which were silenced momentarily when the cat miraculously kept talking. 'Okay now that's 999 wishes left.'
'I wanna live forever' Spankit said sure of himself.
Bliss Kitty stroked his chin grinning 'Forever? You're sure about that?'
'Yes I wanna be immortal, I never wanna die' said Spankit.
'What about your body? Do you want your body to age?' Kitty questioned.
'No, no I want to be like I am right now but forever and I cant die or be killed that's my wish.' he said without thinking.
Bliss Kitty's eyed narrowed in Spankit's direction. 'Now you're sure?' Spankit nodded and Bliss grinned 'Okay.'
Everyone and seemingly everything in Flabbas attic paused. Flabbas concentrated on the sound of his own breath before realizing it had been an uncomfortably long time since someone had last spoke '...So did it work?'
Bliss kitty put on an expression of mock disgust 'Did it work?! Of course it worked. Why Spankit is clearly immortal, why at this very moment there he is standing right there, not dying. '
'How can I be sure I'm immortal?' Said Spankit.
Bliss Kitty cracked open the mostly closed window 'Jump' he says without a hint of irony. 'You will not die.'
Spankit takes in what just transpired. '...no, im not doing that'.
'Then how will you know your wish worked' Kitty's words escaped through cracks in his gritted teeth.
'I guess I'll just have to trust you.' Spankit paces around the attic.
Flabbas sensing a business opportunity adds his own commentary 'Do I get a wish?'
Bliss Kitty looks Flabbas up and down and judges him, fairly or unfairly is hard to gauge from the smirk on his face, he then responds to Flabbas for fear the tension might cause him to sweat in excess, and he might lose his trademark meaty curves 'No, you dont get any wishes, only Spankit gets wishes Im afraid.'
Flabbas' thoughts start drifting towards the business lessons he'd learned from university courses, and the tactics he'd learned from mock meetings 'This cat is full of shit'.
Bliss Kitty was bemused 'Really?' he says coy tone laying stomach down on the junk box. 'Have Spankit make another wish and lets see what happens...'
Spankit was still pacing around the room, he was muttering to himself so Flabbas had to scream to get his attention 'SPANKIT!' It works, Flabbas begins to pitch what he believes will prove the talking cat speaks lies in regards to the wish department. 'A million dollars!' Spankit is willing to hear Flabbas out on his suggestion, he lets him continue talking 'right here in this house A MILLION DOLLARS -CASH!'.
Spankit looks over at Bliss Kitty whose knowing smile suggests he assumed we'd end up here.
'Okay, so uh- Bliss.... kitty. I want a million dollars in cash, in front of us.'
Bliss Kitty yawns, as if to make it a point that he is, stretching his arms out almost cartoonishly, smacking his lips together. 'I'm gonna take a nap, wake me up when you have your next wish.' He saunters off into the ether. The Junk Box he was sitting on, now relieved of the cat's body weight has its top flaps open up to reveal brightly colored Canadian money that Spankit had never conceived of, and Flabbas had only seen in late night google image search binges. The two slowly encircle the box like two lions praying on an overweight insecure antelope. Flabbas is the first to run the paper currency through his fingers, the two couldn't tell if the money in the box totaled a million dollars. Flabbas quickly decided the money needed to be counted. He dragged Spankit out of the attic and money box in hand headed over to his bedroom, where the two sat on the dark blue shag carpet and debated whether or not to empty the entire box onto the ground. They stay there all night counting the money, then subsequently recounting the money.
The two barely said anything to each other while counting, there was a shared awareness however, that something had just happened. The million dollars was secondary to everything else that had taken place. Flabbas' head was ringing, everything he'd been trained to learn about the nature of reality was apparently a lie, he'd just witnessed a sort of magic presence that had in one hour done more for him than any religious dogma had done for him in his (admittedly short) lifetime.
By the time the sun had set and risen the two just sat there, drained and bewildered. They wondered how do they proceed on from this point forward. Spankit was less concerned about the fresh million dollars, and more intrigued by the nature of his remaining 997 wishes. Flabbas begins to realize that he could have asked for more money, which he points out to Spankit who is appauled by the suggestion 'I already used three wishes dude, and two of them were on you!' This alarmed Flabbas, but then he wondered what the wishes were and he found out when Spankit told him. 'I wished that you could see the Bliss Kitty, and I wished for the million dollars'
Flabbas was indignant 'What? you think the million dollars is for me?' Flabbas realized what he'd just said, so his demeanor shifted towards near orgasmic pleasure ''...SO THE MONEY IS MINE!?'
'NO!' Spankit interjected as quickly as he'd ever done 'No, we'll share it, I dont think we can put it in a bank without them asking any questions.'
'Just make a wish that the bank will accept it' Reasoned Flabbas, who was pointing directly at the disinterested Bliss Kitty.
'I dunno... I dont wanna waste a wish, lets avoid doing that as long as we can.' Spankit lays on Flabbas' bed staring at the asbestos formations in his bedroom ceiling, shapes of breasts, lips, hips, and buttocks become visible in his minds eye as spankit begins to ponder the possibilities of his new found circumstances.
'We've gotta find a way to wash this cash, what about drugs?' Flabbas brings this up and Spankit's eyes light up like a wealthy child on Christmas morning.
'Im listening' Spankit says with no attempt to hide his glee.
Spankit's previously annoying stroll from Flabbas home to his own, was now like walking barefoot on a bubble road, at least that was the analogy he made in his head. He'd just made a million dollars, literally it seemed. All he did was ask a strange talking cat for it and he obliged. Almost like it went from his head to Flabbas' attic. It was the damndest thing he'd ever seen happen to anyone, and it happened to him, he thought. Ensnared by the utopian destiny fantasy playing itself out in Spankit's imagination, it was understandable how he could have missed hearing a passerby try and get his attention, so the passerby had to yell slightly louder 'FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGOT!”
Spankit turned slightly as if he believed an old friend had recognized him. He was close, it was an old friend's little brother who'd seemingly formed his opinion of Spankit and wished to voice it 'You dress like a big Pussy! YOU FAGGGGOT!' Spapnkit was aghast at how quickly one person could make him feel like less than nothing after only a few hours earlier he'd felt like he had near god status.
'Bro, you have a girlfriend and he's a virgin, why do you care?' Bliss Kitty was walking along side Spankit, whether he'd been there the entire time or just appeared, he was there now thought Spankit, who glanced at the boy behind him yelling slurs. Spankit sized him up, he wasn't very tall or muscular, but Spankit hadn't been in a fight since himself and everyone else around him hit puberty.
Spankit glanced at Bliss Kitty, asking him how many wishes he had left. Bliss Kitty said he had plenty, which gave Spankit the justification he needed to make what he felt was one good solid bitter wish. He knew he was going to have at least one, he figured why not now? Bliss Kitty, reading Spankit's body language, and possibly his mind as well (though he doesn’t like to call it that) said 'Okay, so what are you gonna do to him?'
Spankit paused for a minute and considered what appropriately degrading act would be also free of violence, he reconsidered his stance on violence when the kid yelled 'Faggot!'.
Spankit pursed his lips as if he'd been sure of the exact thing to wish for, before realizing he really shouldn't. But in the end, he did: 'I want to beat the fuck out of that kid and have him like it, like not right away but I want him to go home when he's nursing his wounds and then realize that he liked getting beat up by me because it made him feel special, because im so cool -in his view'
Bliss Kitty looked at Spankit. his furry face was blank, his eyes transparent it seemed. He spoke 'Okay.'
'...Okay' said Spankit.
'mm' Said Kitty mid nod.
Spankit stopped in the middle of the street. The Kid kept walking yelling 'Faggot'.
Spankit turned, the figure of the kid was getting larger as the distance between the two shrunk. Spankit looked around for a second, he wondered if the whole thing was a gross misunderstanding and the boy was making jokes at a friend who was behind spankit, he was sure this was it, he was probably being paranoid like usual, and he felt very paranoid when the boy walked right up to Spankit and asked him 'Is their a problem -FAGGOT?'.
Spankit was relieved that his wish was now appropriate. Spankit sucking in, started collecting all the phlegmn in the back of his throat, and spat it at the kid as if he'd launched it from rubber band. The glob of wet sticky slobber landed on the kids nose at an angle. The plegmy mucusy spit practically glowed at the kid, as he watched in eye crossed horror. Spankit swung with the confidence of a man who knew he could never die. The point of his right middle knuckle struck a protrusion in the boys forehead. The boys legs immediately went dead from under him and he collapsed, Spankit's fist occupying the space previously inhibited by the kids forehead, as he stood there awkwardly. The nerves aged the boy several years in Spankit's interpretation. The comotose boy on the floor was more babyfaced then he'd realized. No more than 16 years old Spankit theorized. 'Yup 15' Bliss Kitty confirmed.
The Boy was not moving. 'He's not dead' said Bliss Kitty almost surprised, though mostly reassuring.
Spankit looked at the boy in the middle of the street, he considered he considered moving him out of the road. But they were on a suburban street he concluded, anyone that lived there would honk or something. Spankit kept walking towards his home. The further he got from the boys prone body the more he couldve sworn he heard people in the distance asking someone if anything was wrong, or if they were okay, or is he alive, or call an ambulance -although thats not really a question, and then he was almost sure he thought he'd heard someone ask an actual question like: 'Hey shoudn't we call the cops?' Spankit started walking quicker, his legs started to get tired (he'd had a long day so far, in his defense) exasperated he panted out 'I wish I could turn invisible whenever I wanted!'
'You're certain? This isn't just a whim right?
Spankit thought for a moment 'No. no... no it is a good idea, I want to have the ability to turn invisible whenever I want.'
'Okay so does that mean when you're invisible you have no mass? Like can you touch things?' Kitty inquired.
Spankit took Bliss Kitty's inquiry as a suggestion and wholeheartedly agreed, so it was settled he was now invisible. No one could see Spankit, he was assured this by Bliss. Spankit took out his penis to look at it and could not, he could however feel it though. It was a most bizarre sensation, he wondered out loud how rarely it had been that his penis felt an autumn breeze.
'Dude come on.' Bliss Kitty pleaded 'Even though I cant see it, I dont want it around me. I know my gimmick is that im chill, but dont push my limits.'
Spankit agreed and put his invisible penis away into his invisible trousers. He settled into being invisible. At first he'd walk backwards and marvel at how no one was mentioning anything. 'Because im invisible' was the revelation he yelled. Which startled an elderly chinese man taking his afternoon walk. He turned to see if anyone was calling him a faggot. There'd been a neighborhood boy who'd been acting up lately, but it was probably because his mother kicked his father out of the house he'd assumed. That must be a difficult burden on a child, and would likely manifest in aggressive behavior, he assumed. He paused momentarily as these thoughts dripped out of his psyche like the edges of a window pane after a heavy storm. He was standing right in front of the invisible Spankit who was marveling at his record proximity to an elderly chinese man. The chinese man walked forward into Spankit's chest, he looked around to see what it was that stopped him from walking. He attempted to walk forward again, this time it worked because Spankit stepped out of the way.
Gobinder woke up in a hospital bed. He had a bandage over his forehead that made him feel distinguished. He ran his tongue through a new hole that had opened up in his teeth. As his tongue tip grazed his gum line he thought of Spankit, and how powerless he felt in his presence. A nurse let him know that he had a visitor, Flabbas walked in. Flabbas smiled down at Gobinder in amused disgust.
'Lemme guess' Flabbas asked 'mans jumped you true?'
air collected in Flabbas' jowls making his condescending tone heavier than most.
Gobinder didn't know what to say, and thankfully didn't have to, because Flabbas kept talking.
'Look after you heal up from your rape give me a call, I have big things happening soon, like really big' Flabbas' eyes widened more and more 'You and all your little friends can buy sneakers and have gas for the car with like thiry five Sri Lankans in it. Gobinder wasn't a Sri Lankan Tamil, but all his friends were. He didn't usually resent Flabbas' casual racism but now he did, he didn't have an opportunity to voice his displeasure as Flabbas rattled off the things he could buy including 'matching purple suits for all the clowns you hang out with'. Flabbas sat up from the edge of Gobinder's hospital bed, and it felt like he'd raised two feet higher. Flabbas shuffled towards the exit after his ringtone sounded. 'fat fuck' murmured Gobinder.
Flabbas raced over to the hospital elevator in a surprisingly spry fashion for a boy of his weight. His thick hairy breasts flapped up and down as he slid into the progressively closing doors. Flabbas continued his phone conversation while wiping sweat from his forehead with his left sleeve.
'It's here!' Flabbas said loudly as if he was attempting a public statement.
A woman behind him had her curiosity peaked enough to try and follow along with his conversation.
'Okay, be at my place in an hour... yeah, park outside. Uh huh yes. We'll all meet there and go pick it up.'
Spankit still has his seatbelt on in nudgeminder's minivan. Technically it was Nudgeminder's father's minivan, but to Spankit all he knew was that it wasn't his.
'Yo don't tell Flabbas nothing.' Nudgeminder requesting while sifting around the remaining liquid at the bottom of his beer can.
Spankit was looking out the window at what looked like a crow but might not have been, this activity allowed for multitasking as Spankit was able to respond 'uh... dont worry, none of us can die.'
Nudgeminder was slightly confused by Spankit. 'What?'
'Well, I cant die.' Spankit paused briefly. 'But dont worry I'll save you guys if anything goes down.'
Nudgeminder took another sip of his beer in lieu of conversation. He noticed Flabbas pulling up into his driveway, the two of them were parked adjacent to Flabbas' driveway. Nudgeminder honked his horn, Flabbas acknowledged Nudgeminder's presence with a middle finger signal. He went in his home and came back out almost as quickly with a suitcase. 'The money.' Flabbas noted. Flabbas got into the backseat, and said hello to Bliss Kitty. Nudgeminder wondered who he was talking to. Flabbas looked over at Spankit who looked back at him and said 'Im not ready to waste another wish just yet.' Flabbas understood, as he cataloged the wishes he would have had by now if he had a magical kat genie. But at this moment he was just happy to be friends with the guy with the magical cat genie. Nudgeminder popped a cd-r of punjabi remixes to popular hip hop songs into his father's minivan. The music drowned out the possibility of even talking to oneself let alone someone else, and yet Bliss Kitty was able to understand Spankit's every word and vice versa.
Spankit looking at Bliss Kitty in the rear view asks 'Am I allowed to wish for a huge penis?'
Bliss Kitty sighs again as if its his trademark 'No, no you can't'
Spankit wants to pout, but doesn't except a little bit 'Why not?!'
'Because you already wished that you would stay the same way forever, and I cant undo a previous wish.' Kitty said as if his tone could wink.
Spankit was silent for a moment before starting up again 'well, okay. Hazel's already fine with it'.
Nudgeminder somehow heard the name 'Hazel' in between loud clanging noises in his punjabi/rap mix-cd.
'Hazel's fine with what? She let you out of the house huh?' Joked Nudgeminder.
Flabbas was starting to get hungry but didn't want to tell anyone that, so instead he asked if they were hungry. Nudgeminder noted that they should all get anything but chinese food, because Spankit eats that every night. Which was a play on Spankit's relationship with Hazel, who is of Chinese descent. Spankit started to wonder when last it was that he'd eaten out Hazel's pussy and it didn't feel like an obligation. He sighed. He knew she loved him, but he'd come to the conclusion that she was mostly convenient. Nudgeminder wanted to pull into a fast food drive through, Flabbas didn't because he was sure the place didn't serve halal meat, Nudgeminder assured him that he could eat the bag, Flabbas said they could get drive through, and he wouldn't get anything. Nudgeminder insisted flabbas get something, he even offered to hand feed him french fries. Nudgeminder said he'd pat him on the belly for every french fry he successfully digested, he laughed at the notion of this. Flabbas replied that if he tried that he'd slap him. They pulled into the drive through and made their order into the loud speaker. Nudgeminder had to have half of his body outside the driver side window to make himself clear, mostly because he refused to turn down his punjabi rap music. He looked at Spankit and asked what he wanted. Spankit, realizing he could never get fat and could have all the money he wanted on request ordered two family combos for himself. Nudgeminder was flabbergasted 'You gonna eat ALL that?' he asked while Spankit nodded and pulled out a hundred doller bill like it was his wristwatch and someone asked for the time. 'Baller status' Nudgeminder said in a tone of respect. He then looked over at Flabbas and made puppy dog eyes in an attempt to make him relent and order some food. Flabbas however, did not budge, so Nudgeminder ordered a vegetarian kids meal for Flabbas, pleading with him to at least keep the toy.
The boys got their food, it came in a massive bag that looked like it held bodies. Spankit had gotten high before the car trip so he was starving. He was tearing into hamburgers like a wild coyote in an empty butcher shop. Chugging a two liter soda container like a baby does bottled milk. Nudgeminder was amazed, Flabbas in protest refused to eat the vegetarian kids meal. Nudgeminder placed it on the dashboard in Flabbas' cone of vision. He smelled fresh bread as if the aroma wafted out of the sealed bag and swept through Flabbas' nostrils heading towards his stomach, where it then spread and coated the walls. Flabbas let the feeling pass, as in his estimation the principle was the primary thing.
The boys drive on the highway was long, the punjabi rap mix filled any would be silences, which allowed Spankit to give his full attention to eating. At this point Spankit was eating so he could justify ordering as much food as he did. When the two family meals were all spread out in front of him he'd began to second guess his decision, but still went about the gargantuan task of eating the entire thing. He offered Flabbas some food, but that was no good. Nudgeminder had some of the macaroni salad, but he was already full from the realistic order he'd made and subsequently eaten.
Spankit had a thin wiry frame, but could consume more food than one would assume, however halfway into the second family meal he was exhausted. His stomach felt like a petite virgin being gored with an ogre's penis, a reference he'd used often since seeing it in a Japanese cartoon once.
The car pulled up to a home that runs parallel to a high frequency traffic city streetcar. The boys curve into the driveway behind a large beat up white van. Everyone gets out, except Spankit who needs a minute. Nudgeminder is amused by this, Flabbas is impatient. He sees a figure leering out of the home's front window from behind silk curtains. Any semblance of a face is gone when Flabbas attempts direct eye contact. Spankit finally works up the will to exit the car. He dusts of the sesame seeds, crumbs and lettace that had gathered on his chest. Flabbas clutches his briefcase handle a little tighter.
Still in the backseat of Nudgeminder/Nudgeminder's father's mini van is Bliss Kitty, staring out the window lips pursed, eyes narrowed, genuinely intrigued.
Flabbas heads over to the front door, looks left and right as if he's a child being instructed on how to cross the street, he then knocks on the front door, first with trepidation, and then with increasing confidence, culminating in a thump, then a door open.
A rail thin bug eyed alien looking figure appeared. His hair was exceedingly course, it looked like something a rich old man would pay for. The man had a hole in his orange t-shirt and green swimming shorts, with socks pulled up slightly over the knees. 'Come in he said looking at the floor. He then walked into the house and left the door open as a signal for everyone else to come in.
'You can leave your shoes in the front there' he said 'And could you close the door on the way in please?'
Spankit as the last one to enter closed the door behind him, as a lump seemed to coalesce in his colon area. Spankit looked at the bug eyed man and with subdued desperation asked 'Do you have a bathroom?'
The bug eyed man looked at Spankit, without blinking for several moments. 'Yes' he said. Followed by an extended silence, perhaps just to Spankit who was in a pressing physical situation at the moment, so much so that he thought it best to try and move the conversation forward '...um, where is it?'
The bug eyed man blinked. When his eyes reopened he was looking down at the floor. He pointed upstairs and mentioned which rooms were not the washroom, but would help in finding it. Spankit was greatful, he ran upstairs as fast as a man with a stuffed bladder could. He found the washroom, the cool white light seemed to beckon him into itself. Spankit rushed in, closing the door behind him but being careful not to slam it. He spent several panicked moments trying to figure out how this particular door locks. He wonders if he can figure it out before he relieves himself with a buckled belt. He finally figures out how the door locks and he instantaneously makes a mental note to celebrate this once he makes it to the toilet, which he does just in time because as soon as he lowers his pants and begins to squat, streams of fecal matter and urine pour out of him at once, like machine with a nozzle on each side and a lever in the middle where if you pull it on one side apple juice comes out and the other its chocolate cookie dough. Spankit's eyes roll into the back of his head as he empties parts of himself that he has no more use for. So much bile spills itself from Spankit's innards he begins to wonder if his lower intestines wont start shooting out of him. He clutches his knees for support, fingernails digging into the cap edges, lurching over, submitting to the will of his colon. Humbled.
Flabbas and Nudgeminder were downstairs sitting in the bug eyed man's living room. They had gotten what they paid for. 50,000 worth of extasy, Flabbas felt that the suburban market was dying for a reliable supplier. 50,000 worth of cocaine, he knew the chinese suppliers operating out of pacific mall might make trouble, but with Spankit's wishing ability they were less of a threat, and 100,000 worth of marijuana for profit but also for chilling with. Flabbas wanted to grow his money, not spend it. In fact when pressed by Nudgeminder when the Bug eyed man went to make green tea, Flabbas admitted that he never fantasizes about what he'll buy with money, rather- how to make more. Flabbas' two vices were acquiring wealth and destroying his enemies.
The bug eyed man walked in with a tray holding several teacups, in the other hand he had a pot. He passed the cups to Flabbas and Nudgeminder, later they'd hold the cups up while the bug eyed man quakes pouring tea into each of their cups at varying intervals while maintaining eye contact each time. The bug eyed man then sits in between Flabbas and Nudgeminder, Flabbas instantly notices two empty chairs to the left and right of them. The bug eyed man brings his lips to the edge of his tea cup, his mouth forming a duckbill shape. His other hand holds a saucer placed strategically under his cup, though upside down. Neither Flabbas or Nudgeminder feel it necessary to point this out. The bug eyed man begins to slowly attempt to slurp his tea, like someone with sensitive skin gracing the edge of a body of water with their big toe to test the temperature. His mouth begins to acclimate to the cup's temperature and his slurping begins to increase in speed as well as volume. Nudgeminder and Flabbas are rendered mute.
Footsteps are heard in between slurps. Spankit walks into the living room as Flabbas and Nudgeminder spring vertical as if the sofa cushion was made of trampoline. They walk out of the living room pulling Spankit out with them as Spankit yells in an attempt to articulate his gratitude before the front door shuts behind them. The bug eyed man is left alone in his living room with a full tea set. He looks out of the front window and sees Flabbas hugging the products he'd purchased like a mother does her child after graduating grade school. Three doors slam shut, the bug eyed man sees the car pull away from the driveway and fade out of vision. The bug eyed man sits alone, a loud silence, a type of white noise seems deafening. He slurps again.
Flabbas places the bags in the backseat of the Nudgeminder family van, gently, which worked well for Bliss Kitty as the bags were being placed directly on him. Flabbas was pontificating profits, Nudgeminder listened, Spankit did not. He had wishes to consider.